Who I Am Becoming
Over the past four months, I have been doing some of the most intentional personal work of my life. My weeks have included AA and Al-Anon meetings, my Mankind I-Group, time with my therapist, and the guidance of three wonderful ministerial mentors: Rev. Pat Williamson, Rev. Myra McFadden, and Rev. Jackie Lanati. I have also continued to be blessed by the wisdom of my longtime life mentor, Martha Creek.
That may sound like a lot. And it is! But lately, I have begun to notice something: I am changing. Not because someone told me I needed to become a different person, but because I have been willing to look more deeply at the person I already am. I have become more present, more aware, more willing to listen, and more comfortable with stillness. Perhaps most importantly, I am becoming more willing to allow life to teach me rather than constantly trying to control what life is doing.
And strangely enough, I have noticed that the people around me are changing too. I don't think that is an accident. As we change what is happening within us, we begin to experience something different around us. We notice different people. We create different relationships. We become available for deeper conversations and more authentic connections. Perhaps that is one of the great spiritual truths of transformation: When we change what we bring into the room, the room changes.
This past year has certainly given me plenty of opportunities to practice that. There have been losses. There have been disappointments. There have been unexpected turns and more than a few detours. Yet through it all, I have discovered a capacity for joy that sometimes surprises even me. I don't believe that joy came from pretending everything was wonderful. It came from doing the
work. And truthfully, much of that work began long before these past four months. The spiritual practices, teachers, friendships, therapy, recovery work, and life experiences of many years have given me something to stand on when the storms came. We often wish growth could happen another way. Wouldn't it be nice if transformation occurred while everything was comfortable? If wisdom arrived while we were sitting beside the pool with an iced tea? But life doesn't seem to work that way. The greatest growth often comes when something interrupts the path we thought we were traveling. That's the detour.
I am also learning to be careful about looking backward and saying, I wish that had never happened. If I believe there is One Presence and One Power, and if I believe that Divine Order is always unfolding, then perhaps a better question is not, Why did this happen to me? Perhaps the question is, What is this inviting me to become?
That doesn't mean everything that happens feels good. It doesn't mean we shouldn't grieve, hurt, get angry, or wish circumstances were different. It means we refuse to waste the experience.
Every detour can contain a discovery. Every storm can reveal something about our strength. Every ending can create space for a beginning we couldn't yet see. And every difficult season can invite us to become more conscious, more compassionate, more present, and ultimately, more loving.
Today, I am grateful for the people who have walked beside me, challenged me, loved me, and sometimes held up a mirror when I needed to see myself more clearly. But mostly, I am grateful that I was willing to look in the mirror. Because transformation doesn't happen simply because life gives us a detour. Transformation happens when we decide to discover what the detour came to teach us.
I look forward to seeing you this Sunday for the second week of my series, From Detour to Discovery, as we explore Love Is More Contagious Than Fear. Together, we'll discover what can happen when we stop allowing fear to determine how we show up in the world and instead choose the extraordinary, transformative power of love.
See you Sunday!
Bobby
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