Today we are talking about how do we take our nonviolent communications skills into the world? How do we continue to continue to develop them, to listen with compassion, to be that peace that we want in the world? We know that when we use these tools, it changes our thoughts, which transform our own lives and the interactions that we have with others. It shifts us into that next realm of consciousness with ourselves, others and the world.
We really have three choices. Those choices are looking at ourselves with empathy, looking at others with empathy, and being honest about the expression of who we are in the moment. We are expressions of God seeking that spiritual experience, seeking a better life for ourselves, for our families, for our friends, for the community, for the world. When we do these things together, we raise our own vibration. We also raise the vibration of the others around us. This has that ripple effect that we talk about a lot here, especially in challenging times. I don't know about you guys, but the last few months have been challenging in a lot of ways COVID-19 hit then social unrest became the norm.
In addition to all the daily challenges that we face in our jobs, careers, school, life, whatever that looks like. Now, we have limited social interaction. We're isolated except through technology that many of us and I'm going to speak for me. I was trying to get away from, because I noticed I was spending too much time on it. Now, I'm on it all the time. Every meeting we're looking at a computer. If you want to have a conversation with someone that's far away, like your mama, you're on that phone. I'm on the phone every day as I come into church talking to my mama. I like to go to Texas to see mama once a quarter. Wednesday, I'm flying to Texas because I need that. I'm trying to take that word need out of my vocabulary. Cause I don't really need anything. I desire to see my mama. For me, that's a self care mechanism because I'll go and I'll rest and you know, we'll have fun. I'll do her nails and we'll talk. I’ll wear my mask the whole time I'm there. I wear it every day anyways.
I know that I'm going to be healthy and whole, and she's going to stay healthy and whole, and we'll have a good time. That's where we're all at right now. Right? We're developing new habits and our world has changed forever and that's upsetting. There tends to be a lot more unsettling in people. I've noticed a lot more emotional unrest and anger coming out. This is really important. This nonviolent communications and how we interact with ourselves and how we interact with others. It really goes back to what Unity teaches. Our thinking creates the reality that we're trying to manifest in this lifetime.
I'm not going to get into the topic of whether it's real or not. I'll let you guys think about that one on your own. We are working to raise our consciousness. Each of us work to raise our consciousness. It allows us to encounter opportunities to shift higher. That's what we're at right now in our world. We have lots of opportunities to shift into a higher consciousness. If we're willing to do the work, it is not easy sitting in daily. Prayer, in the beginning, is hard. Sometimes it's hard for me and I've been doing it for 61 years. It’s worth it.
That's how we all have to begin because what we're really doing and all of this process, even in meditation is important for people to realize is that we're rewiring our brains. For many of us, depending on the choices that we've taken along the way, our brains may not be fully into the frontal lobe or this part of the brain where we make those conscious decisions from where we actually shift our consciousness. A lot of times we're still living in that fight and flight reptilian brain. It's a great mechanism for us to be safe. We need it, but we can't live there because if we live there, we create all of these chemicals in our body. I don't know about you all, but during this stressful time of COVID and other some weight gain, right, even though we can get out and move around and be freer in that aspect. We might have more time at home, are we doing more meditation? Are we, are we really, are we just busy?
When you're thinking? What do you think about yourself? It starts with you and self empathy. What are you thinking about yourself? Listen to what you're saying. You know, that song, our thoughts are prayers. Be careful what we're saying, because we're praying those thoughts. What are you saying to yourself about yourself and doing some of the work? Is it true? If you go to Byron Katie's work, Martha Creek's work. Is it true? Is it kind, is it loving because you really need those loving thoughts about yourself right now, more than any other time on this planet that we're faced with in this day and time. I'm sure in the past, there's been other times, but loving yourself and being aware of what you're saying to you about you being gentle. When we make a mistake, it's not the end of the world. We just have to be conscious of it. Say, I'm sorry, forgive me, or forgive ourselves. That's usually where it lies at is in that forgiveness work for ourselves.
That's not easy work. It takes a lot of awareness, some honesty, integrity, and being accountable to yourself. Being empathetic can help us accept and process our feelings. Look at that mirror of yourself and say, I love you. Mean it because how you respond to yourself typically is how you will react in response to others. Whether we mean to, or not, at some point, if we don't love ourselves enough, we will react with others in a negative way. When that happens, because it's going to happen, right. Somebody is going to push our buttons and we're going to react.
Now at my house, it's usually my husband, God loving. We all do. It’s the truth. I can be very loving and I can be very kind and I can be all of those things. Sometimes, I just go really seriously. We're going to do this now. Then I kind of feel sorry for him. Cause you know, it is what it is, but we have to try to understand the other person's point of view. Right? We've got it. We got to understand it. We've got to look at it from their shoes. What's their perspective in this.
We can't go with our thoughts about it because it's not us. We have to be really empathetic, fully empathizing with them. We have to have an open mind. We have to let go of those preconceived notions that we've created in ourselves about others and about the situation. More than likely, it's not true. Nobody's out to hurt you. They're hurting themselves. You're not out to hurt anybody when you make a bad choice. We have to take care of ourselves so that we can be there for others, loving others, listening to others. One of the key things that I've learned in over the years that I've been practicing nonviolent communication and especially what I call compassionate communication. Those of you that have worked with me know that I'll talk about it as compassion communications, because really what we're doing is we're creating a foundation for our relationships, our relationships with ourselves and our relationship with others. When we listen compassionately to ourself or to others, we feel heard. We feel understood. I know it sounds strange to hear yourself how you feel and have an understanding about yourself, but it's the truth. The same thing that you would do for someone else you have to do for yourself.
What is the exchange of messages that were happening? What are you exchanging with yourself? What are you exchanging with others? So we clearly have to listen to what is being said, no matter who's saying it. Sometimes the communication is nonverbal. You know, when someone is listening to you because they're looking at you in the eye and you feel their heart open to your heart. We have to decide to take the time to listen, to do the work.
Good listening means listening without trying to second guess yourself or assume you know what someone else is going to say. Compassionate listening is being aware that blaming criticizing lecturing, advising, judging, ridiculing are not good listening. None of y'all do that. I know you don't blame anybody, not even yourself, right? You know, criticize yourself or lecture yourself or others. Respect where you're at. Be gentle with yourself and with others. The more that we demonstrate, those good listening skills, the higher in consciousness, you will move and I'm going to.
I love this quote. It's by Mark Twain. “If we were supposed to talk than we listen, we would have two tongues and one ear.”
So sometimes we have to be quiet. We have to be quiet for ourselves and we have to be quiet for others. When you're quiet, that's when you go in to that inner space and ask for divine guidance and hear that inner voice guiding you. Listen with that understanding and unconditional love focus really on what's what's being heard. What are you hearing? Sometimes when you're working with yourself, you might want to jot down in a journal. Wow. This is what I said to myself. How can I change that? How can I transform that? Cause that's not the way I want to talk to myself. When you're working with others, you might want to reflect back to what you heard to make sure that you understood it correctly because there is a lot of miscommunication in life. I don't think I'm the only one, but when we actually take time to say, you know, this is what I heard you say, and then they can validate that or not.
Even though sometimes we think we're listening and we are actively listening, we might still hear it wrong. That could be because of different cultures. It could be because of different settings that we've been in environments that we grew up. We have different meanings for different words, even in America, you know, we don't all speak the same English language. There are generational differences in what words mean. Make sure we know what we're hearing. I had to ask my nine year old grandson this week what a word he said meant. I understood the word but not in the context that he was using it. I had to stop and say, wait a minute, what was that? What did you mean? He's like, Nana? I'm like, Nana is learning.
We have to put each other at ease. That's what we had to do. I had to say, look, I'm sorry. I don't understand. I need to learn this with you. So you have to teach me. Sometimes the adults have to be taught by the children. The children have to be taught by the adults, especially around language and words and how we're using them. Listen for the whole picture, not just the words. What is the context? What are they really saying? What am I really saying to myself? You know, one of the biggest things about listening is the ability to link together the pieces of information to reveal what's going on within yourself and within others.
When you're doing your own work, let go of the distractions and focus on whoever you're talking with, whether it's yourself or someone else. One of the ways that you can do it is that you can join an NVC group. We're actually gonna have one starting on November 3rd and it's a Non-Violent Communication group. I might change it to Compassionate Communications. NVC is what's out in the world, but from a Unity standpoint, it would be compassionate communications. On November 3rd, we'll have a group that meets twice a month on the first and the third Tuesdays evenings from 6:30 to 7:30 to nine hour. It’ll be on zoom. It'll be with me, I'll be using the Non-Violent Communication book and workbook. There's another one called Communication Across America.
I like it. I'll just be using some of the exercises out of it. Join us for that. And then the meantime check in with yourself every day. It's one of the things I was taught early in childhood was before I went to bed every night, check in with me, where am I at? How am I feeling? What encounters did I have today that I need to forgive myself for forgive someone else. What am I grateful for? What really helped me grow up?
What am I feeling in this moment? Having that gratitude journal to write in every day is a wonderful tool to use, pick a friend who has practiced NVC or is willing to learn and grow without judgment and criticizing. Keep a judgment journal. If you haven't had one of those before, it's pretty good, especially for self empathy. You know, what did you guess about other people this week? Celebrate your achievements, support yourself in the decisions that you made, write about your feelings and emotions. Then of course the main one is to spend that time in the silence for divine guidance. So whether you're joining a group or you're doing it on your own, doesn't really matter. I invite you to continue on the path of seeking that spiritual consciousness with ease and grace, Namaste